Seeking Your Approval

At least five times this year in my mind, I have dug a grave.  Perhaps three feet square and a full six feet deep are the dimensions.  I have imagined friends and family gathered in agreement, wilted with remorse.  The flowers are black, and the headstone reads, “Here lies Mama Bear-PC, beloved Toshiba laptop, a writer’s love, given up and left for dead.”

The words that a writer puts to paper are sacred whether graded ordinary or extraordinary.  I’ve always been the kind of person who would rather fail than make a B.  When I’ve looked at my writing this year, and the many other activities I pour my time into, I return to the graveside of my laptop.  What I do is only ordinary and my thoughts turn inward.  I am not a writer, a manager, a teacher, or much of anything…

The words barely escaped my mouth this time when God whispered, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).”  The list of those I have wanted approval from has included close friends, acquaintances, colleagues, board members, students, editors and even myself.

How precious when God said in simple, straightforward words, “seek only to be approved by Me.”  A grade of B allows God the grade of A.  When my writing looks like English is not my first language, God receives glory in my weakness.  When I say words that even I can’t understand, God receives glory in my weakness.  How I hate being weak!  How I also know that I am Eve at heart, too often desiring what God reserves for Himself.

So, I turn on my laptop again and write what I have learned, seeking only to be approved by the One Who says, with no strings attached, that I am, “blessed and chosen and adopted in Christ.”

“Holy Father, I am here today again, to hear from You.  Use me whether it be with words that are eloquent and with clarity or through stuttering and stumbling, for even in weakness Your great purpose is revealed.  Guard me and those who read this entry from the enemy who seeks to destroy who we are and what we do.  We are Your children, gifted, and empowered for the task You have called us to.  We listen now, anxiously anticipating Your voice.”

Seeking only Your approval,

Blessed to be ordinary so You can be seen as extraordinary,   Wendy

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